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Watch Biographies A to C

Name: André Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: Book appearances: ma Background: André is a fair-haired young man who plays the piano quite well and worked in the Opera House as an organist before leaving to pursue a relationship with Christine, a member of the chorus. André has some talent with languages. He is member number 1244 of the Guild of Musicians. Watch history: André’s only known Watch job so far has been investigating the murderous activities of the Opera Ghost, whom he unmasked with the help of Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg and Agnes. He is the only known member of the Cable Street Particulars, a small branch of the Watch carrying badges but operating in plain clothes to investigate secret crimes. Name: Bauxite Gender: m Species/Vital status: troll Current rank: lance-constable Book appearances: maa Background: Bauxite comes from Slice Mountain and has been described as an avalanche with feet. Watch history: Bauxite was first seen leading the march of trolls down Short Street for troll new year. Later appearing as one of the two trolls that block the way to the Day Watch House after Coalface is arrested, Bauxite was conscripted into the Citizens’ Watch by Carrot and placed under the command of Detritus. Bauxite initially resisted the idea, constantly repeating ‘Ain’t gonna be inna Watch,’ but he later accepted his role and got thoroughly into the traditions of the Watch, asking for a day off for his grandmother’s funeral rather than try and stop Detritus when he went looking for revenge for Cuddy’s death. He has not been seen since, so whether he remained in the Watch is unknown. Name: Bluejohn Gender: m Species/Vital status: troll Current rank: lance-constable Book appearances: maa, tfe Background: Bluejohn is an enormous troll and instinctively gentle and shy (tfe). Watch history: Bluejohn was the second of the trolls blocking the Watch’s way to the Day Watch cells in maa and was conscripted into the militia. He next appeared in tfe when he acted a riot shield for the Watch at Gimlet’s delicatessen and was later offended by Colon’s speciesist comments. Name: Chert Gender: m Species/Vital status: troll Current rank: constable Book appearances: tfe Background: Watch history: Chert was first seen in tfe, when he was told to remove a clamp from All Jolson’s cart. He is a member of Colon’s traffic squad. Name: Clapman, Cecil (aka Snouty) Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: Book appearances: nw Background: Snouty got his nickname because of his flattened nose, which is half the length and twice the width of the average nose. He is elderly, with watery eyes and a tendency to puntuate his speech with a half-laugh, half-snort noise of 'Hnah!'. The kind of man who think's he's a wit when he's only half a one, Snouty takes what he can do very seriously. He always knows which way the wind is blowing and befriends those in power. Vimes thinks of him as a 'breathy little crawler'. Watch history: Due to permanently watery eyes, Snouty was given the job of jailer in the Treacle Mine Road Watch house under Tilden, where being on duty was his default state of being. He worked with Vimes/Keel in the year of the Dancing Dog and provided him with a uniform and information, as well as a tool kit later on. He died in the fight between Carcer's and Vimes/Keel's men after Lord Snapcase took over as Patrician, and is buried in Small Gods cemetary. Name: Clarence Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: Book appearances: gg Background: This unpleasant character is rough and tough and a step further down from being the worst criminal scum Ankh-Morpork has ever produced – and that is saying something. Watch history: A member of the palace guard in gg, Clarence was one of the two guards who barred Vimes’ way and threatened to beat him up when he arrived to tell Wonse about the return of the dragon. He was then charged by Carrot in first the military and then the policing sense. Name: Coalface Gender: m Species/Vital status: troll Current rank: lance-constable Book appearances: maa Background: Coalface is a basically horizontal shape, covered with fracture lines and sheer surfaces and is first mentioned when Colon reads out instructions from his clipboard, which include looking out for Coalface who beat up four men the previous evening. He worked as a privy cleaner and as a right-hand troll for Chrysoprase. He was arrested by the Day Watch for the murder of Bjorn Hammerhock simply because he was a troll but was subsequently released by the Citizens’ Militia under Carrot. Watch history: Coalface was sworn into the city militia after being released from the Day Watch cells and faced with a choice between conscription and a lot of dwarfs with big axes. Assigned to Detritus’s squad, his constant claim ‘I never done nuffin!’ was rebuffed by Detritus’s answer: ‘Now you doin somefin for the first time in your horrible life!’ His later jobs included patrolling the streets with Detritus and two trolls and protecting the injured Patrician. It is unknown if he remained in the Watch after the militia was disbanded. Name: Coates, Ned Gender: m Species/Vital status: human (deceased) Current rank: lance-corporal Book appearances: nw Background: Coates has dark hair and a round face, and the firm steady gaze of the true liar. He is an excellent swordsman and all-round fighter, having learnt a lot of his skill from Sergeant Keel in Pseudopolis. In Ankh-Morpork he joined the revolutionaries plotting to overthrow the patrician, Lord Winder, and replace him with Snapcase. Watch history: Before joining the Ankh-Morpork Night Watch, Coates was in the Pseudopolis Day Watch under John Keel. A constable at the time Vimes/Keel joined the Watch, Ned was promoted to lance-corporal after Quirke was thrown out. He walked out of the Watch when Vimes/Keel asked the watchmen to stay and try and keep the peace after the attacks on watch houses, but refused to give up his badge. He joined the Palace Guard under Carcer when Snapcase came into power and was part of the group that attacked Vimes/Keel’s men, but soon discovered what kind of man Carcer was and re-joined the group of watchmen. He was killed fighting Carcer’s men and is buried in the cemetery at Small Gods. Name: Colon, Frederick (aka Fred) Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: sergeant Book appearances: gg, mp, rm, maa, sm, foc, j, tfe, nw Background: From a country family (foc), Fred Colon has been happily married for over thirty years, possibly due to the fact that he hardly ever sees his wife. They were married in the year of the Dancing Dog, during which they lived in a couple of rooms in Old Cobblers (nw). During gg Fred works at night and she works during the day so they communicate via notes left on the kitchen table and have three grown-up children, born, presumably, as the result of extremely persuasive handwriting (gg). They even have grandchildren. Colon grew up in Ankh-Morpork and his talents as a youth included stealing carts (nw). Colon’s uncle was butler to Lady Selachii (foc) and the sergeant knows something about the life of the upper classes due to this. One of his uncles also travelled to Klatch once, where someone tried to sell him a pack of overpriced dirty postcards. Colon also has a brother with a birthmark shaped like a boat (gg). His mother is also known for her cooking, making her own earwax-yellow version of curry as well as a famous knuckle sandwich (j). His wife has an aunt in Quirm (gg). Somewhat henpecked at home, Colon is always putting up kitchen furniture for his wife (j). Nevertheless he planning to retire to a farm in the countryside with Mrs Colon at one point (foc) until a back-to-nature experience right in Ankh-Morpork caused him to have a rare heart-to-heart talk with Mrs Colon to put off these plans. Colon has a large red face and a tendency to sweat even in frosty weather. At some point in his youth he had a pet dog (gg), and a pink stuffed pig called Mr Dreadful (foc). The fact that he had never travelled or served on a ship in his military career (j) may be due to the fact that one of Colon’s abiding childhood memories is of nearly drowning in the sea at Quirm and being saved by his mother. Fred is an ex-military man who has served abroad (gg) and has fond memories of beating up the sadistic drill sergeant he had when he first joined the army. He’s been a soldier or a watchman all his life. His great-grandad was also a soldier, who was killed in a battle against Pseudopolis despite carrying in his pocket a book of prayers which stopped the first of eighteen arrows fired at him. Colon’s military career has involved serving in at least two regiments, the Duke of Quirm’s Middleweight Infantry and then Duke of Eorle’s First Heavy Infantry (nicknamed “The Pheasant Pluckers”). While admitting that the uniform attracted the ladies and that being a soldier was easier than being a policeman, Colon’s military experience has also left him with some unpleasant memories of the battlefield (j). During his time in the army he won prizes for archery and he owns a longbow and a lucky arrow he’s had since he was young, although his skills have sadly become rather rusty of late (gg). Colon has been in uniform all his life, and the only other set clothes he has is the suit he wears to funerals, which was bought by him when he was two stone lighter. As time has gone on Fred has attempted to better himself, reading books to improve his knowledge and vocabulary (maa), although he has had little formal education and is instead a proud graduate of the school of life (j). He is still only functionally literate and tends to get lost in any word longer that three syllables. He is a regular patron of The Mended Drum. A certain racism and speciesism is noticeable in Colon’s attitudes, which he has had to try and modify as both the city and the City Watch become more multicultural, and which Vimes has had to take him to task about on occasion. Colon’s all-embracing nature is shown, however, in the fact that he has a close friendship with Nobby Nobbs, a man who has to carry a signed note from the Patrician to prove he is indeed human. He is also good friends with Vimes and was best man at his wedding. The Patrician has described Colon somewhat unflatteringly as “possessed of… a certain lack of imagination… [and] an ability to get out of [his] depth on a wet pavement.” You can tell his level of nervousness by the smartness of his salute (j). Watch history: A born sergeant, Colon has been a copper longer than anyone in the Watch and was a sergeant when Vimes was only a rookie (tfe). The first person to promote him to sergeant was Vimes/Keel but he was demoted again afterwards (nw). He once threatened to resign if promoted to captain (maa). We first met him in gg when the sergeant showed his bravery by fighting against the dragon that terrorized Ankh-Morpork, a task that included standing on the roof of Bearhugger’s distillery building attempting to fire an arrow into the vulnerable spot of the dragon, plunging from the ensuing explosion into a deep pond, and threatening the palace guard. At the beginning of gg he earned thirty dollars a month plus five dollars responsibility allowance, but at the very end we learn it has been increased by ten dollars. In mp Fred spots Dibbler singing in the rain and later meets the contingent of one thousand elephants that CMOT ordered. He is also spotted around Ankh-Morpork by Windle Poons, who is trying to drown himself, and later gives advice to Dibbler about the snow globes. He attempts unsuccessfully to stop the wizards from digging up the crossroads. When the Patrician forced the Night Watch to take on new recruits from ethnic minorities Colon designed the recruitment poster and was put in charge of them (maa). Although this was not an immediate success he grew to respect the talents of Angua, Cuddy and even Detritus. His enormous talents for survival were once again shown when he was imprisoned, escaped and then successfully evaded the pursuit of a maddened golem (foc). Perhaps his greatest adventure to date was travelling in a submersed vehicle invented by Leonard of Quirm to Klatch in the company of Leonard, Nobby and the Patrician, an experience which included the most dangerous moment of his career: nearly beating the Patrician at Scrabble. He and Nobby infiltrated the Klatchian port town of Al-Khali and accompanied the Patrician to the main battleground at Gebra. As a reward for his part in this task Colon was appointed head of the new Watch traffic division (j) and he is now in charge of a small team that includes Nobby, Flint and Chert. As part of his new role he introduced and trained at least one imp-operated speed camera (tfe) and the traffic division has managed to clamp as many at seventeen carts – as well as assorted livestock – in one day. Although no-one had ever considered promoting him to captain previously in his career (j), in tfe he was briefly promoted to acting captain, in which position he fired forty watchmen and inspired the rest to go on strike; however he was subsequently demoted back to sergeant and is believed, with Nobby’s help, to have successfully re-hired all the ex-watchmen. In nw we learnt more about Colon’s background in the Watch. He was a lance-corporal when Vimes/Keel joined the Night Watch but was soon promoted to corporal, and his tasks for Vimes included taking home the injured would-be bottle fighter and imitating the screams of people undergoing the ‘ginger beer trick’. He ‘crossed the line’ to join the group of watchmen keeping the peace during the civil unrest, and was promoted to sergeant by Vimes/Keel. He now wears a lilac blossom and visits the graves of the dead watchmen every twenty-fifth of May. Colon wears a shiny breastplate with impressive musculature beaten into it, and his stomach fills the shape like jelly fills a mould. He is in charge of the patrol roster and has a knack of being on desk duty on wet nights. He is one of the few people who has earned the right to call Vimes ‘Mr Vimes’ to his face. While he doesn’t take bribes, Fred is still fond of the ‘perks’ that being a copper allows in terms of free food and drink from pubs and cafes (tfe). Name: Cuddy Gender: Species/Vital status: dwarf (deceased) Current rank: acting-constable Book appearances: maa Background: A dwarf with a long beard, a helpful expression and one glass eye, Cuddy worked briefly for his brother-in-law making fortune rats for dwarf restaurants but got sick of trying to get them to swallow the fortunes and decided to join the Watch. He has a cousin called Gimick who makes drawing pins and another called Jorgen who makes mechanical watches. His writing style shows he is used to reading and writing runes and sagas. Cuddy is very good with an axe, claiming to have been three times champion of axe-throwing at Copperhead. He had saved more than seventy-eight dollars by the time he joined the Watch. Watch history: Cuddy was hired as part of the affirmative action hiring procedure in maa. Despite Colon’s doubts he soon proved an able watchman, his jobs including investigating the explosion at the Assassins’ Guild and questioning the alchemists. He struck up a friendship with his troll co-recruit Detritus whom he taught to count in binary and with whom he was locked in the pork futures warehouse. After seeing how Detritus became more intelligent in the cold warehouse, Cuddy realised the truth about the operating temperature of troll brains and made his friend a ‘thinking helmet’ complete with a mechanical motor borrowed from his cousin which is attached to fan to blow cool air across the troll’s head, black cooling fins and two speed settings (maa, tt). When the Watch was disbanded and the militia started, Cuddy was promoted from lance-constable to acting-constable and put in charge of dwarf recruits. After drawing the short straw and being assigned to the Tower of Art he died after being pushed from the top by the killer hiding there and his body was found by Colon. The fall also destroyed his axe, without which to use as a burial weapon he told Death he intended to haunt the earth. He is buried in the cemetery behind the Temple of Small Gods and Carrot made sure he received a proper dwarf burial, complete with an efficient burial weapon. Name: Culweather Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: Book appearances: nw Background: Watch history: Culweather gets a brief mention in nw as one of the watchmen who ‘crossed the line’ to join Vimes/Keel’s group of watchmen who kept the peace during the civil unrest. Name: Cumberbatch, Silas Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: lance-constable Book appearances: maa Background: A small man with a large moustache, Cumberbatch is an ex-town crier with an unfortunate habit of shouting all his utterances. Watch history: Silas Cumberbatch was the fifth volunteer to join the militia during maa and was assigned to Cuddy’s squad. It is unknown whether he remained in the Watch. Name: Curry Gender: m Species/Vital status: human (deceased) Current rank: corporal Book appearances: maa, nw Background: Curry is now dead, and leaves behind a daughter, Annabel, who goes to the Spiteful Sisters of Seven-Handed Sek Charity School and is supported financially first by Vimes and presumably later out of the widows and orphans fund. Watch history: We learnt a little more about Curry when his name was mentioned as one of the watchmen who ‘crossed the line’ to join Vimes/Keel’s group of watchmen who kept the peace during the civil unrest in nw. His daughter Annabel is one of the names Angua finds in Vimes’ book in his room in maa.

Watch biographies A to C

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