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Watch Biographies D to G

Name: Detritus Gender: m Species/Vital status: troll Current rank: sergeant Book appearances: gg, mp, maa, sm, ma, foc, j, tfe, tt, nw Background: Detritus is an ancient troll and was born above the snowline on a mountain in Uberwald (tfe, tt). He left Uberwald with his father when he was only a pebble for a better life in the big city (tfe), although presumably he lived in other cities before Ankh-Morpork since he had lived there only nine years at the time of maa. His only other known relatives are his great-great-grandfather, who was at the battle of Koom Valley (maa), a nephew (mp), and a grandmother from whom he inherited a piece of human skull (tfe) although it is likely that some of his ancestors lived in ancient Holy Wood. In appearance Detritus has been described as having a flat head, rangy arms, a curling lower lip, short and bandy legs and long fangs (mp). Detritus was well known as a bit of a criminal before he joined the Watch (maa), usually doing jobs that involved hitting people for money. Attempts to get more reputable jobs usually ended in him being turned away for his stupidity (maa). He was a splatter at the Mended Drum (like a bouncer, but trolls use more force) and was knocked out by Carrot during a bar brawl (gg), and has also worked at the pork futures warehouse (maa). His fortunes improved in mp, when he travelled to Holy Wood and started as Dibbler’s bodyguard, later achieving the ranks of Vice-President in Charge of Vice-Presidents and subsequently Vice-President of Throwing Out People Mr Dibbler Doesn’t like the Face Of in the Century of the Fruitbat clickie studio. It was in Holy Wood that he met Ruby, a troll cabaret singer at the Blue Lias who was undergoing a period of feminist emancipation, and realised he was not after all destined to an old age of bitter bachelorhood. His initial attempts to woo her were unsuccessful, but a romantic dinner at Sham Harga’s eventually won her over. Detritus was instrumental in saving the citizens of Holy Wood by striking the gong in the underground cthinema. He returned to Ankh-Morpork where as far as is known he is still with Ruby. The one thing that Detritus is most famous for is his lack of intelligence. Although he has improved since mp, when he couldn’t read, write or count to ten and was thought to be slightly less intelligent than a chair, even his clockwork cooling helmet has only raised his IQ to a ‘room temperature’ level (foc) or ‘somewhere between a cuttlefish and a line dancer’ (j). However he can now count (maa), read (j) and write (foc) at a basic level, thanks to his special helmet which prevents his brain from overheating, since it is made of impure silicon an optimised to work at temperatures cooler than those experienced even in Ankh-Morpork’s coldest winters. Watch history: When the Silicon Anti-Defamation League petitioned the Patrician to let a troll into the Watch, Detritus volunteered for the post after Ruby insisted that he find a steady job. He got off to an inauspicious start, being unable to salute without knocking himself out and lacking even proper armour, having to wear as a breastplate a piece of armour that used to belong to a battle elephant. After running up a bill of twelve dollars for destroying bows and a truncheon he was sent to the Assassins’ Guild with Cuddy, who later taught Detritus to count, and they struck up an unlikely friendship. When the two watchmen were trapped in the Pork Futures Warehouse the cold temperatures speeded up Detritus’ thinking processes and he became a mathematical genius; unfortunately he was unable to finish his numerical workings before being overcome by the extreme cold. Detritus and Cuddy both realised that Detritus was cleverer when it was cooler and Cuddy made his friend a mechanical brain-cooling helmet which the troll wears to this day. The pair later discovered the body of Edward d’Eath and became part of the militia founded by Carrot, in which Detritus gained the rank of acting-constable and was put in charge of the troll recruits. After Cuddy was killed Detritus intended to seek revenge on the assassins but was calmed down by Carrot. By the time of sm Detritus was a constable and had picked up Sergeant Colon’s approach of guarding large immovable landmarks – in the troll’s case, the Opera House, where he witnessed uncertainly the theft of the piano by Buddy and Cliff. He again became involved with the Opera House in ma when, having gained the rank of sergeant in an impressively fast rise through the ranks he was sent to investigate the activities of the Opera Ghost. Unfortunately, despite posing as the Count de Tritus he did not quite grasp the idea of undercover policing and still wore his helmet and badge and was quickly knocked out by a drink of Nanny Ogg’s scumble. Detritus had a new, proper breastplate and new responsibilities in foc, commanding a team of troll watchmen and running an anti-Slab public awareness campaign as well as nailing a drug-dealing troll to the wall by his ears. Vimes himself thinks Detritus is a ‘damn good sergeant’ and by this time the troll had formulated his three basic questions: ‘Did you do it?’ ‘Are you sure it wasn’t you what done it?’ and ‘It was you what done it, wasn’t it?’ and could ask them for hours on end. As well as being armed with these questions he also carries a 2000lb draw crossbow converted from an ancient three-man siege weapon which fires six-foot-long arrows, probably the same weapon he picked up in the armoury in maa. In j Detritus was seen reading the Riot Act to a mob and travelled to Klatch to stop a war. By this point he has his badge carved on his arm. He went travelling again in tfe, this time to his home country of Uberwald where he was appointed Cultural Attaché to the Ankh-Morpork ambassador (Vimes). He took with him his bow, which had been converted to fire a sheaf of several dozen arrows at once and has gained the nickname of the Piecemaker. This bow is the reason that no other watchmen will go on patrol with him unless they can stay a hundred yards behind him. He guarded the palace after the events of tt, and was next seen – or at least heard – singing his unique marching song with the new recruits in nw. He was on the University roof when the Watch was chasing Carcer, and fired a ‘warning shot’ with the Piecemaker. Name: Dickins, Dai Gender: m Species/Vital status: human (deceased) Current rank: sergeant Book appearances: nw Background: When we meet Dickins in nw he is close to retirement age and has a dyed, waxed moustache. Originally from a strict druid clan in Llamedos, he does not swear and has the typical Llamedosian way of ending his sentences with the word ‘see?’. Watch history: Although not strictly part of the Night Watch, Dickins was a sergeant at the Dimwell watch house who joined Vimes/Keel’s group of men behind the barricade in nw. He organised the men defending the barricade to fight, and taught them the song ‘All the little angels’. Dickins was killed in the fight between Vimes/Keel’s and Carcer’s men. He is buried in Small Gods cemetery. Name: Dorfl Gender: m Species/Vital status: golem Current rank: constable Book appearances: sm, foc, j, tfe Background: The intimidating presence of Constable Dorfl is enough to scare anyone. He is a golem made of dark, rock-hard terracotta clay containing a lot of iron oxide and has triangular eyes that glow red. Before he was rebuilt in foc he had one leg shorter than the other and had a hand-made look to him. In his head he had a yellowing scroll as a chem written with commandments from the Cenotine Book of Truth, which were the words that gave him life. Dorfl gets a brief mention in sm, as he is known to Cliff and has sold him sausages from his place of work in Long Hogmeat. This is probably the same place he works in foc, the slaughterhouse belonging to Mr Sock, where he worked for nearly a year after being bought by Sock for AM$530. His jobs there included looking after the yudasgoat, preparing the meat, boiling organs, preparing sausages and making deliveries. He was part of a group of golems who created a new king golem which became mad and killed at least two people. Dorfl later gave himself up for the other golem’s crimes, despite being unable to hurt people because of the words on his chem. When the citizens of Ankh-Morpork started smashing up golems Dorfl was saved by Carrot, who later bought him for a dollar from Sock and put the receipt of ownership in Dorfl’s head, giving him to himself. Dorfl saved Carrot from the king golem and destroyed it, although his chem was taken and he was badly damaged in the process. Vimes ordered Dorfl rebuilt with a voice and Carrot and Detritus oversaw this at Igneous’ pottery workshop. He later joined the Watch despite the Patrician’s orders that he should be destroyed. Strong enough to tear a troll in half, Dorfl is intensely moral and has a certain literalness of speech. He has been given a chit by Vimes saying that he is officially alive. The fact that he is fireproof is very helpful to him since he is an atheist; he is happy to argue religious issues with Visit, however, and is the only person to have ever asked the Omnian for more pamphlets. He is not good with stairs, which tend to collapse under his weight. Now he is being paid he intends to buy other golems working in the city and free them too. Watch history: Even before he was sworn in as a watchman, Dorfl helped Vimes by going with him to witness the confession of Dragon King of Arms. As a watchman Dorfl gets paid twice the money earned by other officers because he can work constantly without rest or days off. His jobs in the Watch have included stamping out a fire at the Klatchian embassy, catching Vimes when he fell in his rescue attempt there and banging the drum to recruit for Vimes’ regiment (j). In tfe he joined the strikers in picketing the Watch House and was one of the few watchmen who had not left by the time Carrot returned. Name: Downspout Gender: m Species/Vital status: gargoyle Current rank: constable Book appearances: foc, j, tfe Background: The first gargoyle in the Watch, Downspout is a champion non-mover, his other talents including watching, staying in one place, not making any noise and doing absolutely nothing at all. Downspout has few friends, rarely meets people and has very few desires in life, most involving pigeons. He feels uncomfortable at ground level and when inside prefers to have something to perch on. Watch history: Downspout is by Vimes’ admission no good on parade and useless on the street, but his talents in staking out buildings are invaluable to the Watch – he once spent three days on a roof in the rain to help catch the Park Lane Knobbler, for instance. Since gargoyles have no concept of money his salary is five pigeons a week, which he eats. This leads to some problems with the pigeon messenger system as he has a tendency to eat the pigeons carrying his incoming messages. Downspout had joined the Watch by the time of foc, probably due to an idea of Carrot’s. He was on guard outside the Patrician’s window when he was ill. In j he found the arrow shot by Ossie, and during the events of tfe he helped the communications officer by watching for clacks messages, a task to which gargoyles are well suited. Name: Edge Gender: Species/Vital status: Current rank: sergeant Book appearances: tfe Background: Watch history: Edge trained under Vimes in Ankh-Morpork and subsequently transferred to the Sto Lat Watch. The sergeant sent a clacks to Vimes which allowed him to catch the criminal Don’t Know Jack when he arrived in Ankh-Morpork from Sto Lat after stealing some silver. Name: Evans Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: Book appearances: nw Background: Watch history: Evans was one of the watchmen who ‘crossed the line’ to join Vimes/Keel’s group of watchmen who kept the peace during the civil unrest in nw. Name: Fiddyment Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: constable Book appearances: tt Background: May be sweet on Sacharissa working at The Times and is known to pass on information to her. Watch history: Fiddyment first appeared in tt. He was at the scene of the proposed suicide leap of Arthur Crank and instructed Arthur’s wife what to say to talk him down. He next popped up at the palace where he escorted William and Otto of The Times to see Vimes, and later Sacharissa mentioned that he told her about a cart crash on Broad Way. Name: Flint (possibly aka Rock, aka Galena) Gender: m Species/Vital status: troll Current rank: sergeant? Book appearances: mp, maa, foc, j, tfe Background: Flint first appears under this name in maa, where he is seen working in the Ankh-Morpork armoury with Morraine. However he may be the same troll that appeared in mp under the name of Galena, considered changing his name to Flint and finally settled on Rock – this is especially indicated since he was also friends with Morraine in Holy Wood. If it is him, then he earned a good living in Holy Wood, earning three dollars a day plus barrier cream allowance appearing in small parts in Sword of Passione, Shadowe of the Dessert, A King’s Ransom, The Dark Forest and Mystery Mountain before landing a large part as the love interest in Blown Away. He made friends with Victor Tugelbend and saved him when he was trapped in an underground tunnel, as well as digging out Gaspode and Laddie when they were trapped under the falling picture house. Flint is described in mp as having a face that looked like it had been kicked out of granite with steel-tipped boots and a large, stereotypically troll nose. Watch history: Flint is most famous for dipping his finger into a consignment of Slab, saying ‘Yes, this is definitely slab wurble wurble sclup’ and spending three days tied to his bed until the spiders went away – a salutary lesson for watchmen everywhere. Flint was first conscripted by Detritus in maa using a very traditional old troll oath, but he was not seen again until foc where he appeared at the palace after the Patrician was poisoned, at which point he was still a constable. During the period of crisis over Leshp he appeared at Vimes’ speech with Swires on his head. In tfe it is mentioned that he is part of the traffic division and he was promoted by Colon to sergeant, a position at which he was not very successful, although he was the last sergeant to leave during the strike period. It is unknown whether he has retained the rank of sergeant following the return of Carrot. Name: Gaskin, Herbert (aka Leggy) Gender: m Species/Vital status: human (deceased) Current rank: Book appearances: gg, maa, nw Background: Gaskin was a good light tenor. He left behind a widow who lives on Mincing Street and was supported by Vimes out of his pay until the widows and orphans fund was set up (maa). Watch history: Gaskin was a long-serving member of the Night Watch. He was one of the watchmen who ‘crossed the line’ to join Vimes/Keel’s group of watchmen who kept the peace during the civil unrest in nw, and he died on duty nearly thirty years later after giving chase to a thief who got ahead and attacked the watchman as he rounded a corner. His funeral was held just before Carrot joined the Watch (gg). Name: Gimletsson Gender: Species/Vital status: dwarf Current rank: corporal Book appearances: foc Background: Watch history: Gimletsson was the watchman patrolling the corridor outside the Patrician’s room after he was poisoned. Name: Glodsnephew Gender: Species/Vital status: dwarf Current rank: constable Book appearances: foc Background: Watch history: Glodsnephew patrolled the floor below the Patrician’s room in the palace when Vetinari was poisoned.

Watch biographies D to G

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