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Watch Biographies H to L

Name: Hacknee Gender: Species/Vital status: dwarf Current rank: constable Book appearances: tfe Background: Watch history: Hacknee was the dwarf constable who praised Vimes together with the others in the Watch House after the replica Scone was found. He isn’t fond of Colon because the sergeant once fined him half a dollar for mumping after he had a free pint at the Bunch of Grapes, even though he found out some useful information. Name: Hildebiddle Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: corporal Book appearances: nw Background: Colon attended Hildebiddle’s funeral before Nobby joined the watch. Hildebiddle woke up just in time to prevent his being buried alive, and banged on the lid of his coffin to alert the mourners. Watch history: Name: Igor Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: constable Book appearances: tfe, tt, nw Background: Igor is a young man barely out of his teens, the nephew of Igor who works at the Ankh-Morpork embassy in the Uberwaldian town of Bonk. Young Igor has the normal Igor’s drive to improve himself with surgery, and has his grandfather’s hands as well as one eye higher than the other, different-sized ears, two hearts, stitches all round his head, two thumbs on his right hand and greasy black hair styled into an overlarge quiff. His father works for Doctor Thaumic (Saumic?) on the other side of the mountain to Bonk. Igor doesn’t believe in the peerage, is unusual among Igors in refusing to call any man marthter and has a slight speech impediment (a tendency not to lisp his esses), all of which render him unemployable in Uberwald. He is an excellent surgeon keen on bio-artificing and his creations include Eerie, the rabbit with human ears all over back, noses that run around on little legs, tomatoes that attack other vegetables and swimming potatoes. He felt somewhat offended in nw when Vimes refused his offers to revive Stronginthearm after the dwarf was murdered and to attend Lady Sybil when she was giving birth. Watch history: Igor volunteered to join the Watch when Vimes was keen to recruit an Igor during his trip to Uberwald. As he was looking for a position at the time, he was happy to work in Ankh-Morpork as he believes that is where the future lies. He travelled back in the coaches with Vimes’ retinue. By the time of tt Igor was happily established in the cells of the Watch House where he had set up his equipment. He is part of the forensic department and by the time of nw had reached the rank of constable. When Drumknott was attacked his surgical skills prevented the secretary from losing the use of his arm, and his surgical skills are also very useful to the watchmen in a city where barbers double as surgeons. Name: Ironfoundersson, Carrot Gender: m Species/Vital status: biologically human, culturally dwarf Current rank: captain Book appearances: gg, maa, foc, j, tfe, tlh, nw Background: Carrot has flame-red hair, blue eyes (tfe) and is six feet six inches tall and about as broad across the shoulders. He has a birthmark shaped like a crown on the top of his left arm (gg, maa). Hidden in the wreckage of the cart near which Carrot was found, his adoptive family found the sword which Carrot carries to this day. The sword is very old and always sharp (maa). Also in the wreckage a ring was discovered which belonged originally to a member of the Ankh-Morpork royal family. Before leaving the mountains to join the Watch Carrot lived in a gold mine run by dwarfs and worked a twelve-hour day hauling wagons to the surface. This left him with an enormous physique and a stoop. Aged nearly sixteen, Carrot learned that he was not actually a dwarf and that he had to leave the mine to join the Watch in Ankh-Morpork, a profession picked for him by his father on the advice of the human Mr Varneshi who lived nearby. The real reason for Carrot’s exile was due to his romantic interest in Minty Rocksmacker which both sets of parents thought should be discouraged. Carrot was given a book by Varneshi: The Laws And Ordinances of the Cities of Ankh and Morpork, which he knows off by heart. Carrot grew up with his adoptive dwarfish parents. His father is the king of a dwarf mine located in the Ramtops somewhere near Lancre. The dwarf couple found Carrot toddling near a track in the woods, near to the wreckage of some burning carts. Carrot’s known dwarfish relatives are his father, his mother, his stepmother (whom he is almost certain is female) and his father’s uncle, Bjorn Stronginthearm. Also his father’s sister, who went to ask Magrat how to stop spelling recommendation and his father’s aunt who borrowed wax from Varneshi. He also remembers his grandfather telling him stories about how to kill a dragon. He still writes to his parents regularly. His genetic relatives include such members of the Ankh-Morpork royal family as King Paragore, King Veltrick III, Queen Alguinna IV, Webblethorpe the Unconscious and Queen Coanna. Carrot is presumably the descendent of the banished surviving son of the last king, Lorenzo the Kind. When he arrived in Ankh-Morpork Carrot stayed at Mrs Palm’s, rent-free. He later moved out of Mrs Palm’s into a room at Pseudopolis Yard where he still had a room during maa. In his room he has some books, a cutaway diagram of No.5 shaft back in his home mine, a hand-drawn map of the city, a jar of pencils, a clothes chest, a wooden box containing letters from his parents, and a desk and chair – but no comb. Although Carrot seems entirely transparent, Angua has always suspected that no-one can be that dumb without being very, very clever underneath. Carrot is simple, but when dealing with him it is always prudent to remember that simple is not the same as stupid. He is indeed direct, honest, good-natured and honourable in all his dealings, yet he still manages to thrive in Ankh-Morpork due to his amazing charisma, his immense capacity to get on with people and a punch that is capable of knocking out Detritus. Even Big Fido, ex-Chief Barker of the Dogs’ Guild, only bit Carrot’s hand when he tried to pat him. Carrot is extremely honest. He has never taken advantage of the ‘perks’ available to a watchman on the beat (j) and still winces every time he hears Vimes lie to the Patrician (j). He has an exceptional memory for names and can speak orang-utan and fluent Klatchian, although he has a slight accent as he cannot get the back-of-the-throat sound quite right. He managed to pick up the language by chatting to Mr Goriff, the proprietor of Mundane Meals. Nobody is perfect, however: in maa he displayed vitalistic prejudices, which he later overcame due to his relationship with Angua, and then went on to show sexist beliefs regarding dwarfs in foc. Carrot’s love of Ankh-Morpork extends to knowing obscure details about its history and going for walks around its streets on his days off. He knows a vast majority of citizens, including gargoyles (maa). It took him a month to know Ankh-Morpork better than Vimes (j). His ability to get on with people extends to managing to organise a football match between two opposing armies. This is a man who can persuade D’regs not to charge. Carrot’s friendship with Angua in maa has grown into a romantic relationship, and he feels very protective of her and resents people’s attitudes towards the fact she is a werewolf. His ultimate belief is that personal is not the same as important (maa, foc, j). Over time he has come to accept that he is not genetically a dwarf but he remains culturally one. He retains the dwarfish attributes of no imagination and a difficultly with metaphors. Reading and writing does not come easily to him but he is still well-read, devouring books continuously. He writes with a blindness to the position of ‘i’s and ‘e’s and a wanton cruelty to the common comma. On his days off Carrot has a routine which involves having breakfast in a handy café and writing his letter home, which always gives him trouble (foc). While the dwarfs in Ankh-Morpork originally didn’t believe that Carrot was a dwarf (maa), by the time of tfe he is accepted as a dwarf by even the most traditional dwarfs due to the fact he follows dwarf customs. The only alcohol Carrot has been known to consume is a small shandy in gg. Normally he drinks milk. He lectures those watchmen who don’t pay their tab in The Bucket. He is a fairly good bowman. In j Carrot presides over the Wolf Pack, a club for street boys that he has set up to teach them the ways of nature. He owns an iconograph (maa). Watch history: Carrot was sent to join the Watch by his father. He started as a lance-constable earning twenty dollars a month, which he sent home to his parents, and his first act as a watchman was to arrest the head of the Thieves’ Guild. His first weeks in the Watch were eventful as he attempted to investigate the activities of the dragon. He was soon promoted to constable at the Patrician’s special request and as such earned an additional ten dollars a month. By the beginning of maa Carrot has been promoted to corporal with a wage increase of five dollars a month, a new jerkin and a new copper badge. During maa Carrot really developed, becoming the driving force behind the investigation into the stolen gonne and showing excellent leadership and initiative. At the end he was made captain. He was still Captain two years later in foc, during which he showed considerable intelligence in deducing the activities of the golems and bravely fought the king golem. In j he travelled overseas for what was probably the first time to rescue Angua, and was vital in helping the Watch to co-operate with the D’regs. He also turned down command of the Watch after Vimes was removed from service by Rust. He once again left Ankh-Morpork in tfe, this time after retiring, to search for Angua in Uberwald. He was reinstated as Captain on his return. In nw he was on the university rooftops during the attempted capture of Carcer and was also present when Vimes returned from his trip to the past. It was Carrot who suggested the Watch’s current community service policy in which criminals serve the community by redecorating the homes of the elderly (foc). He is a keen supporter of the pneumatic message system implemented in tfe. He loves his uniform and has only once gone plain clothes, investigating Ossie’s room in j. In an alternate reality Carrot gained the rank of sergeant and died in uniform aged seventy in an unlikely accident involving an anteater. Name: Keel, John Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: sergeant Book appearances: nw Background: Keel was a big man. On his way to Ankh-Morpork to join the Night Watch, he was attacked by muggers who gave him a cut over his right eye, for which he wore an eyepatch and which gave him a scar. He was killed in the civil unrest following the overthrow of Lord Winder in the year of the Dancing Dog and is now buried in Small Gods cemetery. His grave is well maintained and has a marble headstone, on which is engraved ‘JOHN KEEL How Do They Rise Up’. On the twenty-fifth of May a wreath of lilac flowers and a hard-boiled egg tied with purple ribbon are left on his grave to commemorate his sacrifice. Watch history: Keel was originally a watchman in Pseudopolis but moved to Ankh-Morpork because the pay was better. He took the young Vimes under his wing and taught him a lot about policing. In the alternate past created by Vimes and Carcer travelling into the past in nw, Keel was killed by the muggers, who included Carcer, and his place was taken by Vimes. Name: Keenside Gender: m Species/Vital status: Current rank: constable Book appearances: tt Background: Watch history: The unfortunate Constable Keenside had all his teeth knocked out when trying to use the speaking tube in the Watch House after the system became mixed up with the pneumatic message system. Name: Kepple Gender: m Species/Vital status: human (deceased) Current rank: sergeant Book appearances: maa Background: Vimes believes that Kepple would turn in his grave if he knew the watch had taken on a werewolf. He had no known family. Watch history: Kepple was the head of the Watch when Vimes was a recruit but retired soon afterwards although he continued to turn up at the Watch House, helping with reports and running errands. Six years later he was found there dead; there were only guards at his funeral. Name: Knock, Winsborough (aka Knocker) Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: sergeant Book appearances: nw Background: Knock keeps his pig in the Treacle Mine Road Watch House yard, along with a broken-springed armchair to sit in when it is sunny. He eats two meals a day in a canteen without paying. Very few people know his first name. Watch history: Knock taught Colon everything he knows about bad policing. At the time of nw he earned twenty dollars a month, and in Vimes’ opinion should have owed the Watch nineteen dollars in change. He quit the Night Watch shortly after Vimes/Keel joined. Knock joined the palace guard under Carcer in hunting Vimes/Keel and his men down, but ran away when faced with Vimes. Name: Librarian Gender: m Species/Vital status: orang-utan (formerly human) Current rank: special constable Book appearances: tlf, ws, gg, mp, rm, lal, maa, sm, it, ma, h, j, tlc, tlh, nw Background: Turned into an ape during an unfortunate magical accident in the Unseen University library in tlf, the Librarian has maintained his position on the faculty with no challenge from the other wizards due to his extreme strength and off-putting way of curling back his upper lip. The Librarian treats books with extreme reverence and is one of the Librarians of Time and Space, knowledgeable in the secrets of L-space. The Librarian regularly goes the Mended Drum for a drink after work. He strongly resents being called a monkey. Watch history: The SAS (Special Ape Services) branch of the Watch comprises the Librarian. He came to the Watch for help in gg when a book was stolen from his library and was subsequently sworn in as a special constable by Colon. He wears the Watch badge he was given around his neck on a string when on duty. He rescued Vimes from the palace cells when the dragon was planning to eat Sybil Ramkin in gg and next came to the aid of the Watch in ma when he played the Opera House's organ so André could go in search of the murderous Ghost. In j he allowed Carrot and Angua to search the library building for clues to Prince Khufurah’s shooting. Name: Littlebottom, Cheery (aka Cheri, aka Sh’rt’azs) Gender: f Species/Vital status: dwarf Current rank: corporal Book appearances: foc, j, tfe, tt, nw Background: Littlebottom comes from the mountains of Uberwald where her family included a second cousin called Sfen, who was eaten by werewolves (foc), a brother called Snorey who was a knockerman (a dwarf who detects and burns away explosive gas in mines) who was killed in an explosion in a mine in Borogravia (tfe) and a grandmother, from whom she inherited her round iron helmet. Her father was called Jolly Littlebottom and her grandfather was Beaky Littlebottom. She left her home in the mountains, where she lived close to Angua’s parents, because she had the rare dwarfish attribute of not being able to get the hang of metal (foc). Before joining the Watch Littlebottom tried to get a job at the Guild of Seamstresses before she realised what kind of work they did. She was a member of the Guild of Alchemists, but left through the roof in an explosion she created which also blew up all the easily detachable bits of the Guild Council. While at the guild she learned about anatomy and also amassed books on alchemy. At some point she visited the Alchemists’ Guild building in Quirm (foc). She cannot cook (j), and lives with her Uncle Armstrangler. Although everyone assumed at first that she was male, Angua’s keen sense of smell detected that Littlebottom was female and was the first person to learn of the dwarf’s frustration. Cheery cannot use any kind of weapon, doesn’t like using an axe, fighting, quaffing or singing about gold like most dwarfs but rather yearns to be able to show her femininity. Cheery is friends with Angua, the only other known woman in the watch, and has visited Biers with her. This friendship and the fact that Angua saved Cheery’s life helped the dwarf to overcome her prejudice against werewolves (foc). Her appearance when she applied for the Watch job was of a typical alchemist with a frizzled beard, acid stains on her hands and no eyebrows. She used to wear a silver chain mail vest until she discarded it as disloyal to Angua. Over time she has become more confident with her femininity and has tried wearing earrings, lipstick, nail varnish and mascara as well as welding high heels onto her boots, although she has kept her helmet and beard (foc). She was the first dwarf in Ankh-Morpork to wear a skirt (made of hard-wearing brown leather), which has become a permanent feature. When visiting Uberwald she even wore a red floor-length dress with sequins and feathers and a glittery axe, and took with her another, green dress which she decided not to wear in the end (tfe). She also decided to change her name to Cheri, but since it is so close to her original name not everyone has noticed. These changes have spearheaded a change in how female dwarfs behave, making Cheery an unpopular figure among some dwarf groups (tfe). Watch history: Littlebottom was taken on in the Watch as a corporal and the only member of the new forensic department on a month’s trial. Her first job was to take iconographs of the murdered Father Tubelcek, during which she discovered that the last thing the man saw was a pair of glowing eyes, impressing Vimes with her abilities. She set up her base in the old toilet at the Yard using makeshift alchemical equipment scrounged from the Guild of Alchemists and from around the Watch House. Using this she discovered traces of arsenic in her samples. Later she bravely but ineffectually attacked the king golem with an axe. During j she was still the entirety of the Watch’s forensic department, and examined the clove that was chewed by Ahmed. She later travelled to Klatch. In tfe she went to Uberwald with Vimes and Detritus where she was appointed Military Attaché. She examined the room from which the Scone disappeared with Vimes, shook hands with the Low King and got a list of conspirators from Dee. In tt she made a brief appearance examining the site of Drumknott’s attack in the palace and failed to be taken in by William’s newspaper-speak. She also recognized the dark light Otto used to take a picture. When Carcer was spotted on the UU roof she took charge of the situation and sent for Vimes (nw). Cheery is an excellent corporal and the best scene-of-crime officer in the Watch, and has only failed to be promoted because she gets embarrassed about shouting at people. Name: Lucker Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: constable Book appearances: foc Background: Lucker takes size seven and a half boots and buys cheap ones from Plugger in New Cobblers. Watch history: Lucker was on guard outside the palace on the night the Patrician was poisoned, and swapped boots with Vimes at the commander’s insistence.

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