back to Watch biographies A to C D to G H to L M to S S to W

Watch Biographies M to S

Name: Maltoon, Skully (may be the same person as Muldoon, Skully) Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: Book appearances: gg Background: An acquaintance of Nobby’s, Maltoon used to live in Mincing Street and his mother made cough sweets until she fell into the mixture and died. Watch history: Maltoon was the younger of the two palace guards who came to the Watch House to give Colon the proclamation to read out. He had a picture of the dragon painted on his breastplate. Name: Maroon Gender: m Species/Vital status: human (deceased) Current rank: sergeant Book appearances: maa, nw (possibly) Background: Maroon is a deceased watchman and his widow sells coal. She also received money from Vimes before the widows and orphans fund was set up. Maroon may have retired from the Watch and become a Porter at the Assassins' Guild at some point before the events of nw. Watch history: Name: Moist Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: Book appearances: nw Background: Watch history: Moist gets a single mention in nw as one of the watchmen who ‘crossed the line’ to join Vimes/Keel’s group of watchmen who kept the peace during the civil unrest. Name: Morraine Gender: m Species/Vital status: troll Current rank: constable Book appearances: mp, maa, foc Background: Morraine is a troll with craggy features who was first introduced in mp as a character actor, playing rocks in Holy Wood along with his friend Galena (aka Flint, probably). He had his nose touched up with cement which has left him with a face you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley. He appeared in Sword of Passione playing a Balgrog, and in Shadowe of the Dessert as a huge eunuch. After the collapse of the Odium he helped search the rubble for Laddie and Gaspode. After he left Holy Wood Morraine worked in the armoury in Ankh-Morpork. Watch history: Since being conscripted by Detritus in the armoury in maa, Morraine has not been seen apart from briefly in foc when he guarded one of the palace rooms flanking the Patrician’s bedroom. Name: Muldoon, Skully (may be the same person as Maltoon, Skully) Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: sergeant Book appearances: maa Background: Skully Muldoon owns a house in Easy Street worth at least five dollars a month. Watch history: Muldoon was the member of the Day Watch who asked for the help of the Night Watch during the riots in maa. He inadvertently gave permission to Carrot to form a militia to defend the city. Name: Nancyball, Horace Gender: m Species/Vital status: human (deceased) Current rank: Book appearances: nw Background: With an unfortunate tendency to wet himself when threatened, the extremely tall Nancyball might not seem like the ideal copper. He was brought up by his gran in Ankh-Morpork where he learned to steal carts. Watch history: Nancyball crossed Vimes/Keel’s line to join the watchmen keeping the peace in the streets in nw. He was killed by a grapnel hook when defending the barricade in Heroes Street and is buried in the graveyard at Small Gods. Name: Nobbs, Cecil W St John (aka Nobby) Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: corporal Book appearances: gg, mp, maa, ma, foc, h, j, tfe, tt, nw Background: Four feet tall with the muscle tone of an elastic band, the only reason you can’t say Nobby is close to the animal kingdom is that the animal kingdom would get up and walk away (gg). Nobby is a small, bandy-legged man of indeterminate age (he has been describing himself as ‘probably 34’ for years, but is certainly younger than Vimes or Colon (nw) ) with a certain resemblance to a chimpanzee. He is about seven thousand years old in general cynicism and world weariness but is said to have the body of a twenty-five year old, although no-one knows where he keeps it (maa). He has an impressive collection of boils (maa), a skin condition for which he uses an odd ointment, and a very varied skin colour (j). If technically he isn’t hunchbacked it is only because he is hunched front and sides as well (foc). Nobby tends to speak out of the corner of his mouth and incessantly smokes dog-ends, which are stored behind his ear, without ever being seen to light up a new cigarette. Nobby carries around a letter from Lord Vetinari that states that the corporal is probably human. He has no table manners and an odd smell which causes the nose to shut down after a short while. His clothes always look worse for wear five minutes after he puts them on, and metal has a tendency to tarnish if in close contact with his skin. As a young boy in the year of the Dancing Dog, Nobby was paid to help Vimes/Keel after the latter caught the boy following him. A skilled pickpocket with a more than passing resemblance to the Artful Dodger, Nobby was an extremely streetwise and extremely grubby street urchin who lived with his mum and dad and had ambitions to be a policeman because you can steal without being arrested, or a soldier, so he could steal dead soldiers’ boots. Originally an army man, Nobby is the veteran of a score of residual battlefields (gg) and the last thing a lot of fatally wounded soldiers ever saw was Nobby advancing towards them with a sack, a knife and a calculating expression, to steal their jewellery and boots. It means he has seen a lot of corpses (maa). He used to lurk around the edges of battlefields until he saw who was going to win and then join the battle in the appropriate uniform, and return from the battlefield with his shield, everyone else’s shield, a sack of teeth and fifteen pairs of still warm boots, all on a cart (j). He has spent a lifetime in one uniform or another and has learned not to volunteer for anything. He was quatermaster in the Duke of Psuedopolis’ army and used to sell all the weapons; despite this failing, though, he has gained an excellent knowledge of weaponry and is a keen subscriber to Bows and Ammo magazine (maa, j). When not at in uniform Nobby is something of a peacock, wearing very ornate fashionable clothes (gg). He is a leading member of the Morpork Folk-Dance and Song Club (aka the Ankh-Morpork Folk Dance and Song Society), which involves morris dancing and which used to meet in the same hall as the Elucidated Brethren of the Ebon Night until the building was burned down (gg, j). In maa they are practising ‘Gathering Violets’. In foc we learn he is also in the Ankh-Morpork Historical Recreation Society, known as the Peeled Nuts, which puts on enactments of battles for occasions such as Ankh-Morpork’s tricentennial celebration. On this occasion Nobby won the part of King Lorenzo. The Nobbs family is city born and bred. Nobby’s known family numbers his brother Errol, after whom the Watch’s dragon was named and who has a pointed nose, a granddad for whom Skully Maltoon used to run errands (gg), his mother Maisie of Elm Street who never made knuckle sandwiches but could do amazing things with a bit of cheese, his father Sconner, who he only used to see every now and again when the military police dragged him out of the attic, and grandfather Slope Nobbs, who may have been the illegitimate son of Edward St John de Nobbes, Earl of Ankh and a parlourmaid, although this last information may well be fabricated. If it is true then Nobby is in fact the Earl of Ankh and also heir to the throne since the last Earl of Ankh could trace his descent back to a distant cousin of the last king. He also had a grandmother, Nanny Nobbs, who had two funerals as she wasn’t quite dead the first time. His other grandmother is also dead. He has a cousin Vincent who was once prosecuted for indecent assault on the Duchess of Qurim’s scullery maid (foc), and his mother’s uncle was a sailor who was press-ganged by some farmers after a big plague (j). He keeps with him a gold ring that was passed down to him from his father as well as other heirlooms: a tiara, a coronet and three gold lockets (foc). Nobby has not had a lot of success with the opposite sex, and began to take measures to change this during j, sending off for creams and exercise regimes and asking Angua for advice. He got thoroughly in touch with his feminine side during his trip to Klatch, however, when he was forced to dress up a woman and made friends with a number of Klatchian ladies. Nobby lives in Psuedopolis Yard, having worked his way through four rooms by the time of maa, moving into a new one when the floor became difficult to find. He normally drinks half-pints of Winkles. He has the rare talent of being able to get six quail’s eggs in his mouth at once. He once pinched Vimes’ cigar case. Nobby sports a tattoo on his arm saying ‘WUM’ next to crossed daggers, which was put there by a tattooist called Needle Ned while they were both drunk (j). He’s fond of beer and a good cigar, as long as it’s free (j). Watch history: Nobby first became part of the Night Watch as a young boy when Colon gave him the rank of acting-constable and Nobby carved his own badge out of soap (nw). He may well have officially joined the Watch after being thrown out of the army for stealing weapons, however, as his questions to Carrot suggest in gg. When Carrot first joined the Watch he was partnered with Nobby, leading Vimes to hope that Carrot isn’t a fast learner. During gg Nobby was docked a day’s salary for waving a flag during the coronation preparations, and a year’s responsibility allowance for being a disgrace to the species. He had a busy time with the arrival of the dragon, standing on a roof while Colon fired arrows at it and then trying to rescue Lady Ramkin from the square. During maa Nobby investigated the murder of Boffo the clown and formed part of the militia that protected the Patrician. At the end of maa he put forward a request to the Patrician that Watchmen should be allowed all the weapons they could carry, which was not authorised. Nobby was kidnapped by Leonard of Quirm during j and travelled with the inventor and Lord Vetinari to Klatch where he successfully infiltrated the town of Gebra dressed as a woman and found out the position of the Klatchian army. He was rewarded for his trip to Klatch by being assigned by Lord Vetinari to the new Traffic Division. His fondness for wearing drag comes in handy for pretending to be an old woman crossing the road and halting carts long enough to clamp them for illegally parking. He also clamped a troll in tfe and was rewarded with a black eye. In tfe Nobby displayed a rare bout of initiative to become the President and Convenor of the Guild of Watchmen and organise a strike to protest against Colon’s actions as captain. He lead the picket at the Watch House and was one of the few watchmen left when Carrot returned from Uberwald, having the unfortunate job of explaining to the captain what had been happening in his absence. In tt Nobby was briefly interviewed by William, who believes him to be a werewolf. Nobby has an astonishing grasp of the minutiae of the Watch regulations (gg). His mug at the Watch House has a picture of a teddy bear on it. Even in these times of improved fortune for the Watch he still reverts to his old ways and can still be found carrying around the petty cash in tfe. Name: Pediment Gender: Species/Vital status: gargoyle Current rank: constable Book appearances: j Background: Watch history: Pediment was one of the two gargoyle watchmen lining the route of the parade in j. Name: Ping Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: corporal Book appearances: tfe, nw Background: Ping’s name is a dialect word meaning watermeadow, a fact he often has to explain. He is a cautious-looking young man who appears permanently poised to answer a question. He rents his lodging, and it has a garden (nw). Watch history: Ping discovered the burglary at the Dwarf Bread Museum in tfe, but failed to catch the burglars. Colon later accused Ping of earlobing him. Ping also managed to annoy Corporal Nobbs by mentioning that the corporal stole the petty cash and by addressing him as Nobby. Promoted to corporal himself in nw, he continued the good work when he was orderly officer by asking Colon and Nobby if he should wear lilac, thus annoying them again. Name: Pounce Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: Book appearances: nw Background: Watch history: Mentioned briefly in nw, Pounce is one of the watchmen who ‘crossed the line’ to join Vimes/Keel’s group of watchmen who kept the peace during the civil unrest. He later went to fetch the hurry-up wagon to add to the barricade. Name: Pyjama, Hrolf Gender: Species/Vital status: dwarf Current rank: lance-constable Book appearances: maa Background: Watch history: Pyjama was conscripted into the militia during the events of maa. There was almost trouble when he complained and Detritus, drunk with power, told him to ‘shut up, you horrible man,’ although the situation was defused by Carrot. Pyjama later met Vimes and unwillingly gave the captain his sword after the Patrician was shot. Name: Quirke (aka Mayonnaise) Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: captain Book appearances: maa, nw Background: Quirke earned his nickname through being rich, thick and oily and smelling slightly of eggs. This is a man who in Vimes’ opinion could not find his own arse with an atlas and about whom even Carrot can think of nothing good to say. He is unpleasant and speciesist. Watch history: In the year of the Dancing Dog Quirke was a corporal in the Night Watch where he had been for four years, but he was fired by Vimes/Keel for taking bribes (nw). He joined the Palace Guard under Carcer. By maa Quirke was head of the Day Watch and it was to him that the Patrician ordered Vimes to turn over the investigation of Hammerhock’s murder. He faced up to a job that was slightly beyond him with the maxim: it doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong, so long as you’re definite. He wore plumes in his helmet and kept his breastplate shiny (because he’s a pillock, according to Colon). He arrested Coalface for the murder of Hammerhock despite the fact the troll was clearly innocent of the crime and later came to relieve the Night Watch of duty. He himself was relieved of command later on, courtesy of Carrot and a powerful punch, on the grounds of insanity. Name: Scurrick, Iffy Gender: m Species/Vital status: human (deceased) Current rank: Book appearances: maa, nw Background: Scurrick’s widow lives in Treacle Street and takes in laundry. Watch history: Scurrick was Vimes’ friend when he was young and he joined the Watch, which was what prompted Vimes to join too (nw). He was stationed at Dolly Sisters house in the year of the Dancing Dog. Scurrick was one of the dead guards whose widow was given money out of Vimes’ pay. Name: Scutts Gender: m Species/Vital status: human Current rank: Book appearances: nw Background: Watch history: Scutts arrived on the scene of Vimes/Keel’s confrontation with Carcer in Morphic Street in response to Vimes’ bell. Name: Shoe, Reginald (aka Reg) Gender: m Species/Vital status: zombie Current rank: constable(?) Book appearances: rm, maa, j, tfe, nw Background: As an idealistic young man with long curly hair in the year of the Dancing Dog, Reg became a revolutionary and took charge of barricades during the civil unrest. During his defence of the barricade on his home street, Whalebone Lane, he showed he had already become fond of revolutionary slogans. He was one of the group who drew up the founding charter of the People’s Republic of Treacle Mine Lane and he attempted to organise food distribution behind the barricades, without much success. While helping Vimes/Keel and his group to fight against Carcer Reg was shot in the chest with eight arrows but being, as Vimes remarked, a natural zombie, took some time to actually die and even then came back to unlife after being buried in Small Gods cemetery. He still maintains his plot there and spends the day in it every twenty-fifth of May. Shoe had transferred his revolutionary zeal to running the Fresh Start Club, a society for the undead, by the time of rm. A champion of Dead Rights, he worked in the mortuary in Elm Street where he pinned cards onto the underside of coffin lids to encourage the dead to join his movement as well as giving speeches in the local cemeteries. He also had a mania for writing revolutionary slogans on walls. He can play the guitar but this is problematic and people have to help search for his fingers afterwards. Reg has extremely pallid skin with a greenish tinge, is covered with stitch marks and at the time of rm he wore clothes that looked as if they’d been washed in razor blades and smelled like someone had died in them. During his trip to Klatch he became infested with mice. He is a robust atheist and has been drawn into arguments with Visit about religion. As a zombie, Reg is able to withstand arrows penetrating his chest and having his head cut off, which must come in useful as an Ankh-Morpork copper. His ear has a tendency to hang off but he always has a needle and thread handy. In rm Reg helped invade and destroy the mall lifeform. Since joining the Watch he organizes the Campaign for Dead Rights in his spare time. He lives in Mrs Cake’s boarding house, the same place as Angua, and helped her upstairs with her luggage when she moved in. Watch history: After he came in to complain about the Watch harassing some bogeymen Shoe was persuaded by Carrot to join the Watch to lend them his expertise. Unfortunately this led to twice as many complaints from the undead community, all against Shoe. In his first appearance as a watchman in j, Shoe fetched Carrot to help at the hostage situation at Vortin’s. He travelled to Klatch and was involved in a fight with a Klatchian regiment in which his arm was cut off, and later sewed the flag of surrender for Vimes’ regiment. Shoe is a very thorough officer and has always received glowing reports from Vimes (tfe). In tfe Shoe visited the rubber factory after Sonky’s murder and made the connection between the smell in the museum and the sulphur in the rubber factory. He later deduced that a copy had been made of the Scone. He had a charge of ‘making his arm fall off in an insubordinate way’ laid against him by Colon, although he was also considered by the acting captain for promotion to sergeant. He came to pick up the wages chitty with Dorfl and picketed the Watch House with the Guild of Watchmen. He was one of the few officers still around when Carrot returned from Uberwald. He may have been promoted to corporal in nw but this is still unclear.

Watch biographies M to S

A to C D to G H to L M to S S to W back to Watch biographies