Night Watch quotes page 1
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It wasn’t that [Vimes had] liked being shot at by hooded figures in the temporary employ of his many and varied enemies, but he’d always looked at it as some kind of vote of confidence. It showed that he was annoying the rich and arrogant people who ought to be annoyed.



He got rid of most of the plumes and the stupid tights, and ended up with a dress uniform that at least looked as though its owner was male.



The bespoke armourers had made a new, gleaming breastplate with useless gold ornamentation on it. Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. […] It was gilt by association.



Nobby had been giving his age as ‘probably 34’ for years; the Nobbs family were not good at keeping count.



‘Anyone been to tell them [Stronginthearm is dead]?’ he asked. ‘And don’t say it was Nobby. We don’t want any repeat of that “bet you a dollar you’re the widow Jackson” nonsense.’

[There's a similar remark from Nanny Ogg in Lords and Ladies:
"'Well, now,' said Nanny, 'you know the widow Scrope, lives over in Slice?'
Quarney's mouth opened.
'She's not a widow,' he said. 'She-'
'Bet you half a dollar?' said Nanny."]



Sammies, they were called, even in towns that had never heard of Sam Vimes.

[This echoes England’s ‘Bobbies’, a term for policemen that comes from Robert Peel.]



He could hear the jody Detritus had taught them. Somehow, you could tell it was make up by a troll:
‘Now we sing dis stupid song!
Sing it as we run along!
Why we sing dis we don’t know!
We can’t make der words rhyme prop’ly!’
‘Sound off!’
‘One! Two!’
‘Sound off!'
‘Many! Lots!’
‘Sound off!’
‘Er…what?’



‘We know your heart is in the right place –’
‘They are in the right places, sir,’ said Igor reproachfully.
‘That’s what I meant,’ Vimes said, without missing a beat, just as Igor never did.



Among the city’s bone orchards the cemetery was the equivalent of the drawer marked Misc, where people were interred in the glorious expectation of nothing very much.



Leggie lived down there in the crypts. As he said, he was the only one who did, and he liked the company.



Because of pressure of space, bones in the crypt were stored by size, not by owner. There were rooms of ribs. There were avenues of femurs. […] If some of the religions were right and there really was bodily resurrection one day, there was going to be an awful lot of confusion and general milling about.



Corporal Reg Shoe, a whole bouquet of lilac tied to his helmet, was walking solemnly up the gravel path.

[That should be Constable, not Corporal. Futher on in nw we read: "Constable Shoe was rather greyer and was held together in places by stitches." Although that makes it one-all in this book, in Monstrous Regiment we get: "'Have you met Constable Shoe, Clarence?'", so I'm guessing the temporary promotion is a typo.]



‘They want a vampire in the Watch?’
‘Yes, sir. I believe many members of the Watch Committee think that despite your stated reservations it would be a good –’
‘Does it look to you as if my body is dead?’
‘No, sir.’
‘Then the answer’s no.’



'The Times says Borogravia has invaded Mouldavia.'

[This bit of advance information is slotted in slyly: we will hear a lot more about Borogravia's warlike tendencies in Monstrous Regiment.]



‘The kvetch, sir. They live in the deep woods and are covered in hair.’

[I believe to “kvetch” is Yiddish and means to gripe or complain.]



'This message is from Littlebottom [...]. She's Forensic. She's not street!'

[This is the first time anyone in the Watch has used the word 'forensic'. At the end of maa Carrot asks the Patrician for permission to set up 'a department for, well, we haven't got a name for it yet, but for looking at clues and things like dead bodies, e.g., how long they've been dead', and in foc Cheery's job is never given a title apart from 'that alchemy job' in her whole interview with Vimes. Although in Jingo she is described as representing 'in her entirety the Watch's forensic department', none of the watchmen use this word. It seems they've invented it by nw.]



‘Sergeant Colon and Nobby arrived and I sent them along to the Bridge of Size –’

[Cambridge University’s St John’s College has a Bridge of Sighs, so it’s appropriate that the UU has something similar.]



‘D…T…R…T…S space H…D…N…G space O…L space T…M,’ said Cheery.

[Semaphore messages have become the Disc’s equivalent of vowel-free txt msgs, apparently.]



‘Hey, I can see your house from up here!’

[Carcer is echoing the sentiments on General Tacticus’ statue in the Klatchian desert in j.]



Ridcully gave him the slow blank stare used by those with acute uptake-grasping deficiency.



Now people were forgetting that [the Librarian] was an orangutan. […] In fact, if someone ever reported that there was an orangutan in the Library, the wizards would probably go and ask the Librarian if he’d seen it.



Vimes stared ahead, looking out for the blue light of Pseudopolis Yard. […] But, when he got there, there was no blue light over the archway.

[This isn’t the only time a blue lantern is mentioned in nw. A blue lantern over the door used to be the sign of the police in England, which matches with their blue uniforms. In Ankh-Morpork, where the watchmen are ‘boys in brown’ (gg) or ‘brownjobs’ (nw) I’d have expected the lantern to tie in with the brown theme instead.]



The man was standing very close to the bars, with the grin of one who thinks he’s a wit when he’s only half a one.



Vimes found it better to look to Authority for orders and then filter those orders through a fine mesh of common sense, adding a generous scoop of creative misunderstanding and maybe even incipient deafness if circumstances demanded.



‘Where am I?’ he said. And then he added: ‘This time?’
‘Well done,’ said a voice somewhere behind him. ‘Consciousness to sarcasm in five seconds!’



‘I don’t know a rude song about wheelbarrows!’
Sweeper sighed. ‘Hedgehogs? Custard? One-string fiddles?’

[Well, we certainly know a rude song about hedgehogs, don’t we…?]



‘For a perfectly logical chain of reasons Vimes ended up back in time even looking rather like Keel! Eyepatch and scar! Is that Narrative Causality or Historical Imperative or just plain weird?’



Sweeper gave him a long, thoughtful look. ‘Y’know,’ he said, ‘it’s very hard to talk quantum in a language originally designed to tell other monkeys where the ripe fruit is.’



‘Things have been a little difficult since we lost Sergeant Wi-’

[Could this be Sergeant Wimbler, mentioned in maa as the sergeant in charge of Colon when he first joined the Watch?]



‘According to my rough calculations a horse eating that much ought to be approximately spherical. Instead, she’s so thin that with two sticks and some sheet music I could give you a tune.’



His glare ran from face to face, causing most of the squad to do an immediate impression of the Floorboard and Ceiling Inspectors Synchronised Observation Team.



‘We takes ’em up there for questioning.’
‘What kind of questions? How long it takes two men to dig half a hole?’



Vimes always preferred to walk by himself. And now there were two of him, walking by himself.



‘Can you use that sword you have there, lad?’
‘I did the training, yes.’
‘Fine. Fine. The training. Fine. So if we’re attacked by a lot of sacks of straw hanging from a beam, I can rely on you.’



‘Yeah, all right, but everyone knows they torture people,’ mumbled Sam.
‘Do they?’ said Vimes. ‘Then why doesn’t anyone do anything about it?’
‘’cos they torture people.’
Ah, at least I was getting a grasp of basic social dynamics, thought Vimes.



‘You can do that?’
‘Oh, yes. It’s not accepted Ankh-Morpork medical practice but since Ankh-Morpork medical practice would consist of hitting him on the head with a mallet he’s probably getting the best of the deal.’

[In my copy – UK Doubleday hardback – the second time ‘Ankh’ has been mistyped as ‘Anhk’]



‘How much, Mr…er,’ Vimes remembered in time, and made a show of looking at the name on the front of the tray, ‘…Dibbler?’
‘Four pence, sergeant.’
‘And that’s cutting your own throat, eh?’ said Vimes jovially.
‘Pardon?’ said Dibbler, looking puzzled.
‘I said, a price like that’s cutting your own throat, eh?’
‘Cutting my own…?’
‘Throat,’ said Vimes desperately.
‘Oh.’



‘Er…it’s half a brick,’ Ned reported.
‘What?’
‘A half brick, sir.’
‘I’m saving up for a house,’ said Vimes.



‘Interesting,’ said Vimes, always a worrying word to the uncertain. It certainly worried Knock, and Vimes thought: my gods, perhaps Vetinari feels like this all the time…



‘I know who she is,’ said ‘Ludo’ Ludorum, head of Viper House.

[Quite probably related to Arthur Ludorum, the schoolmate of Teppic in Pyramids, whose father was also an assassin.]



‘You’re a scag, Vetinari.’
‘Just as you say, Downey.’

[Can you imagine Downey’s feelings when Vetinari became patrician? Very uncomfortable for him…]



‘I get it,’ said the prisoner. ‘Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?’
‘If you like,’ said Vimes. ‘But we’re a bit short staffed, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?’
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Night Watch quotes page 1