Introduction

A good Watchman always has a few laws up his sleeve to catch out even the most apparently law-abiding Ankh-Morpork citizen. It can instil a healthy respect of the law to occasionally haul people off to the cells for loitering, failing to carry a halberd or breathing shallowly. To make sure you are prepared, have a look through the following three sections: Laws Named laws and the offences they are known to cover. Offences Offences not falling under known laws. An example of behaviour constituting that offence is given where possible. Ankh-Morpork Crime Codes Taken from the 1999 Watch Diary. Numbered codes to save you time when arresting people or sending messages to other watchmen. books currently included: gg, maa, foc, j, nw, diary

The Laws and Ordinances of the Cities of Ankh and Morpork

Competent Art Law Technically a ‘Patrician’s Rule’. Requires all citizens or visitors intending to produce any kind of paintings for sale in Ankh-Morpork to appear before the Patrician and demonstrate to his satisfaction that they can draw a hand. diary Treacle and Trousers Law Passed by Mad King Ludwig the Tree. Bans shallow breathing, requires all civic buildings to be painted purple and makes it compulsory for mirrors to be three miles long. Never repealed. diary War Provisions Act Part 2 of 1401 Makes it technically illegal for any male over the age of 14 to walk through the city without carrying a 9’ halberd. diary Fish Law of 1402 Brought in after an amusing pike/halberd/halibut mix-up regarding the above War Provisions Act. Is the shortest law on record and states: No one whatsoever is to go armed with fish in Ankh-Morpork. Last broken by Thos. Siddelly in 1714 who was convicted of recklessness in charge of a bag of clams. diary Ways and Means Act of 1503 Every person in Ankh-Morpork must eat a bale of hay every week. diary Swine and Hog Law of 1347 A literal interpretation of this law would mean that Tuesdays are illegal. diary General Felonies Act, 1678, Section 14 (iii) Conspiracy to commit crime. This is what Carrot arrested the head of the Thieves' Guild for on his arrival in Ankh-Morpork. gg Public Ale Houses (Opening) Act of 1678 Must not a) serve or b) cause to serve alcoholic beverages after the hours of 12 (twelve) midnight. Must not serve or cause to serve alcoholic beverages in containers other than of a size and capacity laid down by aforesaid Act. Section Three: Must not allow customers to carry unsheathed edge weapons of a length greater than 7 (seven) inches. Must not serve alcoholic beverages in premises apparently unlicensed for the sale and/or consumption of said beverages. gg Public Foregatherings (Gambling) Act 1567 gg Licenced Premises (Hygiene) Acts of 1433, 1456, 1463, 1465 and 1470 through 1690 gg Domestic and Domesticated Animals (Care and Protection) Act 1673 gg Wild Animals (Public - [remainder not known] Prohibits Releasing Feral Creatures upon the Streets. gg Projectile Weapons (Civic Safety) Act 1634 gg Gambling (Regulation) Acts gg Decency Ordinances of 1389 Prohibits use of language like 'piss off'. gg Witchcraft Laws Include bans on 'flying about'. gg Public Order Act of 1457, Section (vii) Prohibits resisting arrest. gg Dignity of Man (Civic Rights) Act of 1341 States that prisoners have Rights. gg Industrial Processes Act 1508, Clause Seven Prohibits illegally venting flame in a manner likely to cause grievous bodily harm. gg Being Bloody Stupid Act of 1581 You'd be breaking this by not running away when you saw Detritus knuckling along at high speed behind you. maa Privacy Act of 1467 Could be broken by looking in someone's bedroom chest without permission. maa Riot Act Begins: "Whereby it is acknowledged..." Once it has been read to a crowd they must disperse or the Watch can use deadly force. j [Unknown law] of 1356 Requires that every citizen should do one hour’s archery practice every day. It has never been repealed. j

Offences
Offence	Info	Source
carrying a weapon	may not be current	nw
carrying a weapon after dark	may not be current	nw
carrying a concealed weapon	may not be current	nw
going equipped for burglary	eg carrying lock picks	nw
using language likely to cause a breach of the peace	eg swearing	nw
breaking curfew	probably not current	nw
running screaming at people and trying to cut their knees off	aka a No.23, normally committed by dwarfs	foc
loitering	eg by lying very still in a cellar somewhere	foc
resisting arrest	you may get self-inflicted wounds while doing this	foc
burglary	can only be committed within the hours of darkness. In daylight, it's housebreaking	diary
making an affray	eg in a bar brawl	gg
riotous behaviour	eg in a bar brawl	gg
obstructing an officer of the watch in the execution of his duty		gg
assault with a deadly weapon		gg
malicious lingering	an army is committing this offence	gg, j
assaulting an officer of the watch in the execution of his duty		gg
attempting to resist arrest		gg
killing people	contrary to sixteen separate Acts in Council	gg
human sacrifice	illegal unless using condemned criminals	gg
crowing on Soul Cake Thursday	was committed by a hen in 1135	gg
impeding an officer of the watch in the execution of his duty	punishable by a fine of not less than thirty dollars, one month’s imprisonment or being reprimanded in custody for social inquiry reports and half an hour with a red-hot poker	gg
aiding and abetting	related offences are generalised abetting and persistent and reckless abetment	gg
murder by means of a blunt instrument	eg a dragon	gg
suicide	not technically an offence. Can be committed by asking for a short in a dwarf bar or walking in the night-time alleyways of the shades	maa
murder	uncommon, unlike suicide. Cannot be committed if there's a war on	maa, j
loitering with intent	can be committed by standing in the street. an army is committing this offence	maa, j
obstruction	can be committed by standing in the street	maa
lingering while being the wrong colour/shape/species/sex	can be committed by standing in the street	maa
being naughtily drunk		j
impersonation		j
selling weapons to the enemy in times of war	there's probably a law against this, according to Vimes	j
behaviour likely to cause a breach of the peace	an army is committing this offence	j
conspiracy to cause an affray	an army is committing this offence	j
going equipped to commit a crime	an army is committing this offence	j
obstruction	an army is committing this offence	j
threatening behaviour	an army is committing this offence	j
loitering within tent	an army is committing this offence	j
travelling for the purposes of committing a crime	an army is committing this offence	j
carrying concealed weapons	an army is committing this offence	j

Crime Codes

Ankh-Morpork Crime Code 1: Treachery to the City. Ankh-Morpork Crime Code 2: Wilful destruction of the City by Fire, Howsoever Started. Ankh-Morpork Crime Code 3: Malicious Lingering. Ankh-Morpork Crime Code 7A: Use of Magic to Change the Outward Appearance of the City’s Ruler. Ankh-Morpork Crime Code 12: Fifty Foot Woman has fallen off the Tower of Art. Please send traffic cones and three boxes of chalk. Ankh-Morpork Crime Code 15: Traffic Disturbance due to sixty foot Dragon landing on the street. Ankh-Morpork Crime Code 19: Murder by means of magic (except in the UU, where it’s called ‘promotion’). Ankh-Morpork Crime Code 23: Running Screaming at People While Drunk & Trying to Cut Their Knees Off. Ankh-Morpork Crime Code 88: Theft of Book from Unseen University Library. Ankh-Morpork Crime Code 89: Damage to Book from Unseen University Library (and also Attempted Suicide). Ankh-Morpork Crime Code 317: Murder with Blunt Instrument (other than Kitchen or Garden Equipment). Ankh-Morpork Crime Code 318: Murder with any item of Kitchen or Garden Equipment (excluding deck chairs). Ankh-Morpork Crime Code 319: Murder with a Sharp Instrument (other than Kitchen or Garden Equipment). Ankh-Morpork Crime Code 412: Persistent Street Mime with Malicious Use of White Face Paint and Black Tights.